Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dreams

For many, many years my HOPES and DREAMS diminished with each passing moment as my eating disorder took control of my life. However, I didn't mind as I was too sick to care. My hopes were to pass and for life to pass me by. I have wished this for almost 10 years now, to be non-existent. For death if I were to be totally honest. I know this sounds blunt and scares most people, but it's/was how I felt. Things have changed over the years, I don't wish for the angles to take me with them, but I instead wish for happiness. Happiness, so foreign to me. HAPPINESS, true happiness would be like a vacation from life. To be loved and to love is all I seem to wish for lately. Is this even possible? I don't know, but I know I'm so very lonely and want friendship and need support so very much. But, as I search I find only unhappiness at every turn. Am I trying to find something unattainable?

Last night my dreams were horrifying. I dreamed of a girl so sick from her eating disorder that her hair was falling out in clumps. A girl so sick that her teeth were falling out. I woke up from the nightmare terrified, terrified that I've stayed with ED for so long. That this nightmare is what I used to wish for in reality and even worse my hopes for death. Was this a sign? When I fully awoke, I was scared, as I feel myself slipping deeply into depression, always sad, always crying again.

I called my friend Erin and she was able to help me work through my feelings this morning. I hope with support from my friends and family that I can pull myself out of the nightmares and back into the dreams and hopes of happiness.

34 comments:

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BenWann1259 said...

may the blessing be with you.........................................

志名 said...

能付出愛心就是福;能消除煩惱就是慧。.............................................

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Make yourself necessary to someone..........................

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BlakeR_采男 said...

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NohemiL_Be06威宇 said...

you always know the right thing to say!............................................................

burtong said...

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國昆國昆 said...

It is no use crying over spilt milk..................................................................

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AlfredoN_Schmucker0許許 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin.....................................................................

靜怡 said...

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致念致念 said...

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嘉琬嘉琬 said...

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秋娥秋娥 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

雲亨雲亨雲亨 said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

吳婷婷 said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

JasonBirk佳琪 said...

不簡單..一路走來辛苦了-..................................................................

怡潔怡潔 said...

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dawsonfelicia張君dawsonfelicia均 said...

人生中最重要的是要自尊、自愛、自立、自強、自信。..................................................

盈廖生家秀蔡 said...

先為別人的快樂著想,是超人;先為自己的快樂著想,是凡人;使別人不快樂,自己也不快樂的,是笨人。..................................................

琬安琬安 said...

做好事,不需要給人知道,雖然只是一件微不足道的事,但我相信,這會帶給我快樂。..................................................

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Learning makes life sweet.

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人類的聰明,並非以經驗為依歸,而是以接受經驗的行程為依歸。..................................................

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喜歡自己的另一層意義是「接納自己」。..................................................

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愛情是盲目的,但婚姻恢復了它的視力。..................................................................

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傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................

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新手上路哦~請大家多支持(・ˍ・*) ............................................................

翊翊翊翊張瑜翊翊翊 said...

Quality is better than quantity...................................................................