For many, many years my HOPES and DREAMS diminished with each passing moment as my eating disorder took control of my life. However, I didn't mind as I was too sick to care. My hopes were to pass and for life to pass me by. I have wished this for almost 10 years now, to be non-existent. For death if I were to be totally honest. I know this sounds blunt and scares most people, but it's/was how I felt. Things have changed over the years, I don't wish for the angles to take me with them, but I instead wish for happiness. Happiness, so foreign to me. HAPPINESS, true happiness would be like a vacation from life. To be loved and to love is all I seem to wish for lately. Is this even possible? I don't know, but I know I'm so very lonely and want friendship and need support so very much. But, as I search I find only unhappiness at every turn. Am I trying to find something unattainable?
Last night my dreams were horrifying. I dreamed of a girl so sick from her eating disorder that her hair was falling out in clumps. A girl so sick that her teeth were falling out. I woke up from the nightmare terrified, terrified that I've stayed with ED for so long. That this nightmare is what I used to wish for in reality and even worse my hopes for death. Was this a sign? When I fully awoke, I was scared, as I feel myself slipping deeply into depression, always sad, always crying again.
I called my friend Erin and she was able to help me work through my feelings this morning. I hope with support from my friends and family that I can pull myself out of the nightmares and back into the dreams and hopes of happiness.
Who will you meet in Chicago?
5 weeks ago
34 comments:
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thank you for you to make me learn more,thank you∩0∩ ........................................
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may the blessing be with you.........................................
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Make yourself necessary to someone..........................
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幸福不是一切,人還有責任。..................................................
you always know the right thing to say!............................................................
當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。...............................................................
It is no use crying over spilt milk..................................................................
好的blog需要我們一起努力!.................................................................
Pay somebody back in his own coin.....................................................................
欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^.................................................................
良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒。.................................................................
成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................
成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................
人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................
人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................
不簡單..一路走來辛苦了-..................................................................
寫文章需要心情~~期待你再一次的好文章............................................................
人生中最重要的是要自尊、自愛、自立、自強、自信。..................................................
先為別人的快樂著想,是超人;先為自己的快樂著想,是凡人;使別人不快樂,自己也不快樂的,是笨人。..................................................
做好事,不需要給人知道,雖然只是一件微不足道的事,但我相信,這會帶給我快樂。..................................................
Learning makes life sweet.......................................................................
人類的聰明,並非以經驗為依歸,而是以接受經驗的行程為依歸。..................................................
喜歡自己的另一層意義是「接納自己」。..................................................
愛情是盲目的,但婚姻恢復了它的視力。..................................................................
知足常樂~~有這麼好的文章,人生足矣~~哈哈............................................................
傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................
新手上路哦~請大家多支持(・ˍ・*) ............................................................
Quality is better than quantity...................................................................
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