Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Diet or DIE YET

It's been decided...
To lose those extra pounds (that I HATE) I bought Dexatrim Max diet pills

I don't want to revert to using old habits to lose the weight, but to tell the truth I never took diet pills to lose weight before so this isn't necessarily reverting to old habits - now is it!
But something's got to be done and this is what I am willing to try, beats throwing up doesn't it?

Along with the NEW RULES...
No more:

English muffin with peanut butter and a Mountain Dew for lunch

I'm also going to try lighter meals for dinner, maybe a yogurt or something. This may upset my roommate since he helps me daily to fight Ed, but he's just going to have to understand.

I want to be better than this
I KNOW that I am worth more than what I put into my body
BUT, there's always a but...but I don't know what else to do!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Should I trust him?

In the past (when I didn't even know I was sick), I thought I was fat.

Now, as I have become healthier and gained weight, I feel I have the right to complain about the same issue.

AM I always going to fight these feelings.

Most days I can tell him to "F***" off and think rationally about things.
But, the more weight I gain the harder it is to fight off his comments.

I used to weight myself every two seconds, the scale controlled my life
(I used to carry it with me in my backpack incase ED needed to know how much I weighed).
Now,not so much...I try to base things on how my clothes fit and how I feel

But, it's hard to feel good about myself when I feel like my clothes are getting tight.
I know everyone says I'm still small, but I'm starting to hear him (ED) more lately.

He thinks he can help me lose the weight...DO I TRUST HIM?

OK, I know I shouldn't trust anything he says and run in the other direction --

I can't seem to do it and I've been trying "the right way" for awhile now.

Please help me!