Sunday, October 11, 2009

Getting by or Finally Living

It's been awhile since my last post and so much has happened and then again nothing at all...

The job that I have been at for almost 14 years moved locations to downtown Chicago. It was once a half hour drive and is now a 5 hour a day commute. It was hard at first, but after 5 months has now become a little easier. New people, new surroundings, new everything really has taken alot of courage for me. A couple of things have been for the better...meeting new people has brought me out of my shell (a little) and being downtown had made me rely on myself a little more. I met a guy, who became my boyfriend :) and that hasn't happened in oh let's see eight years since my divorce. It was amazing and scary all at once, but in the end he broke up with me. He couldn't handle my eating disorder and just wanted to be friends :( To see me work on myself and learn to like myself more. I haven't like myself in so long and now I'm lonely on top of it! Well that sent me spinning as if I didn't have enough troubles already. However, with that came the need for change (in myself). I was depressed and crying all the time all over again and on top of it I felt like I lost my new best friend. If what he said was true, that he'd stand by me and be my friend and see me through this then I was going to get some help. After some research I found a place in downtown Chicago specializing in Eating Disorders. I called to find out more and believe it or not liked what I heard. Strangely enough I went to an assessment, listened to what they had to offer and proceeded to do what had to be done to go there. I am now less than a week away from starting and AM TERRIFIED!!! Here is a little about the program: They offer residential living for those who do not live in the area (which is where I will be staying while I attend the groups and therapy). I can work full time while I attend the night groups and special appointments all while I live in the city close to work. Sounds good right??? I am deathly afraid of the change and what I will have to do in recovery, but I'm more afraid to stay the way I am and be alone with ED forever. So I am taking a leap of faith (for me) for once in my life.