Saturday, January 1, 2011

Me, Myself and I

"Here" was a place I would come in the hopes of helping others.
"Here" was a place to vent about the troubles I was facing.
"Here" was a place to receive support when I needed it most.

So, with a NEW YEAR upon us...
I'm going to use this as a sounding board again...
to help myself and maybe you too!

CHANGES CHANGES CHANGES

15 months ago I admitted myself into an Eating Disorder program in downtown Chicago, I had had enough.
It was HARD WORK to do what was required of me for recovery.
It was PAINFUL to talk about things that I'd buried away.
It was EXCRUCIATING to gain weight and well not feel fat.
But, I got through it and have been working hard everyday to stay on the recovery path.

During most of my 11 year battle with ED I've lived with a friend, who supported me every step of the way as best as he knew how (even though I was a huge pain in the ass). However, these past several months I've started to feel secure enough in my recovery to move out on my own again. I started a new job in October and wanted to move closer to my new work location. In doing so I would gain 3-5 hours of my life back, which I could use to further myself in my recovery.

So, here I am in my new apartment (1.1 miles from my new job) and so LONELY.
I miss my roommate and my friends.
I LOVE my apartment, it was fun to decorate and make my own.
I LOVE the area of Woodridge and being in a town that has so much to offer.
I LOVE my commute.

But, but, but...

I NEED my people, my friends.
I NEED time to discover myself again.
I NEED support, I can't do this alone.

ED can be very convincing when your all alone...

But, let me tell you that no matter how enticing and alluring he can be...
I KNOW HE'S TROUBLE.

I WILL NOT GO BACK THERE.
I WILL NOT LISTEN.

I AM STRONG (I think).

2 comments:

Meg_GenMirror said...

I am so happy to see that you are writing again!!! You are so incredibly talented with how you put your emotions into words and I am excited to follow your blog and be inspired :)

Karen Barber said...

Hey There!!! I am a mom and your story sounds like my child's. Am glad you are gaining your independence. Stay Strong, take it minute by minute. Reach out for support from someone who understands (like a coach or dietician) if you start to slip, before you slip too far to come back. Am proud of you. Much happiness and fun to you without ED!!

Karen