Saturday, January 3, 2009


I had a great 2008 and hope that 2009 will be just as rewarding
for me and for you.

Each year I gain not only weight, but
and a clarity
that brings peace of mind to my every day life.
Every aspect of my life has become richer and more blessed.

Family ties and friendships have become my core - NOT ED.
Really the only Ed trait left is the mind games he plays now and then to lure me back, but I don't even bother with his silly antics.
Yes, sometimes it's hard to combat his requests with that
"silky voice of his".
Lately it's been difficult,
but I believe that is due to the hectic holiday season.

TravelingFOOD, moneyFOOD, daddy-problemsFOOD
with alot on my plate (no pun intended),
FOOD sometimes becomes the ENEMY.

When I'm home with my family, I try OR am as normal as can be.
I let my guard down and am free to just be me, but then I have to deal with the weight gain when I get back home.
When I was sick I would just do what I had to do to loose the weight,
but now I

and dropping a few extra pounds it the
thing in the world for me to accomplish.

My body isn't like everyone elses,
it has the extra pounds it needs/wants and won't let go of them for anything.
My doctor used to call this starvation mode,
not sure if this still applies as I am NOT SICKLY, SKINNY anymore.

Being five pounds over where you'd prefer to be may not be huge to the general public, but for me it is!
It signifies how easy it was to gain those pounds in the first place and how easy it could be to keep gaining.
Each year brings me closer to my original weight BEFORE Ed and I'm not quite ready for that.

So this year I will fight
I'll put my combat boots on if I have to
to stop thinking that there is an ideal weight for me and not box myself into thinking that I must remain a certain size.


Georgia B. said...

miss Sandy,

like i told you today, it's such a gift when we can look back at the last year and be proud of what we have accomplished just as much as we look forward to the new year with high hopes!

you had a wonderful year, and i am proud of you! thank you for being a part of mine, as well.

i'm so glad we met today and had a chance to talk stuff out! let's never let it go that long again.

i love you too much!


sandy said...

Thanks Georgia,
This message means alot to me. I'm so happy that we had the chance to get together and talk (I think we needed that). You are a very special friend and I hope we keep talking, laughing and loving for many years to come. Let us never let things go unsaid again.
I love you too much as well!!

Rochelle said...

Oh sweet Sandy:
I only know you through this blog and our mutual friend, Georiga B, but my heart goes out to you. Even though we are on opposite ends of the weight/eating disorder issue, I could feel so much of what you were saying.

I hope my talkings on my blog of desperately needing to lose weight doesn't do any damage to you at all... after all I have about 85-100 lbs to lose to get anywhere back to normal, and more like 155 if I were going to be in the normal "BMI Index" for my age and height... so we're different, but share some similar thought processes that got us into these messes. I pray that maybe someday I can help encourage you as you've done for me.

I hope you were able to succeed this year in your self-injuring as well. I'm working on my hair-pulling disorder too. There's so much for us to change and grow in, it can be so overwhelming... but I'm ready now, along with you, to put on my combat boots and plan to win this battle in 2009... with God's help.

Let me know if you ever need to talk. I'm praying for you, and greatly appreciate you. God bless and keep you.

Chris said...

I love to hear your positive, can-do attitude! It sounds like you are being strong and healthy (or at least trying to be) right off the bat. Attitude and belief count for so much. I'm rooting for you!