Friday, January 9, 2009


*Before Ed I was a self-conscious and emotional kind of person-
but "stuff" more easily rolled off my shoulders*

*During Ed everything bothered me, BIG or small.
It lingered and smoldered into the great depression*

*Now, it doesn't roll right off, but it doesn't linger for months turning into a major life catastrophe either*

Everyday gets better, but I still tend to take everything very personally.

Today is a "fester" and "rot" feelings kind of day.

Today at work there happens to be a baby shower for a friend.
She is a close friend, and I wasn't asked to participate in the event.
It was huge and festive and I'm very happy for her, but I felt terribly left out.
For starters my boss hates me, I can't do anything to change that, but I'm sure that is why I wasn't asked to help with the planning.
I've been crying off and on hiding in the bathroom...
trying to not show the tears and hurt on my face and in my eyes.

Why do people hate me so?

I'm not a bad person, a little difficult sometimes, but not altogether bad.
Yet, people judge, ignore and betray me for no reason at all.
Well, I don't know how much longer I can take this...

To be shunned and ignored like I have some sort of disease, HURTS.

I'm a freak!


Rochelle said...

Ohhh sweetie, it brought tears to my eyes to read this because I've been there so much myself. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for being open and sharing what you are going through. I don't blame you for being so sad/upset about this. And sometimes it's that one thing that sets us off, but then we think about all those other small things and we just get all riled up and mega sad all at once over everything. I think it's okay to get that way... and just be real and honest with God about how you're feeling and what you're seeking... but there's just nothing that heals the soul more than reading his Word when we feel this way. Even when I fight it and ignore it, eventually the only way I feel better is studying Scripture. It may sound trite right now, but we both know it's true. I hope the very best for you and that the cloud hanging over you today will clear soon. Bless your heart sweetie for being so real with us. Take care! Hugs!!!

Georgia B. said...

I'm so sorry, Sandy.

I have been in similar situations so many times. Just know that it is not you. I know who you speak of, and I know that the person who the shower was for is your friend and is grateful for you. If it were up to her, she would have involved you. I know that the others involved are just jealous. Just remember that.

You are a nice person—none of us are perfect, but you certainly don't deserve that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, friend.

Let's do coffee again soon.


Chris said...

I wouldn't assume that it's because of you. I have realized that people tend to be inconsiderate or even ignorant of others' feelings. So your friend might not have even thought twice about it, you know? But I understand how you feel. I'm the same way, and seem to react to things at times thinking they're personal or directed at me. It's hard being such a sensitive soul, but that makes you more understanding and compassionate towards others, especially when they face the same situations you do.