Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn't rest in the hands of anyone else. And it's not dependent upon anyone else. I'm not even sure forgiveness has anything to do with anyone else. It's not a matter of whether someone deserves it, or if they will even know about it. Forgiveness has to do with the burden I carry around. The load I'm hefting on the back of my heart. Forgiveness enables me to set the weight down. To not haul all the "how could you?" kinds of questions around. I held a huge grudge in my heart and had a lot of resentment towards others during my eating disorder. I was mad at the world, but mostly myself. I was unhappy and my world was falling apart as I sat there and could do nothing about it. I hated life and pretty much everyone in it. I let few people in as I didn't want to get hurt any more than I was already hurting. Now, as I head in the right direction (recovery) and my mind is clear, the grudges and resentments are fading. It wasn't anyone's fault or my own for the way my life was going. It was just life, it had to run its course and now I am free. I hold no bitterness as I am in control of my life and it feels good.