I feel horrified by the expansion of my flesh, ashamed that it matters to me so much and pissed that I don't feel comfortable in my own body. Most days I'm OK with the weight I've gained because with it has come clarity and peace of mind. Today, not so much! But, I know that I'm smarter than Ed and all the games he plays. Daily, I live under siege from the inner critic, the judge and the "pusher". Now, I plan on studying these selves of my personality and giving them new jobs.
I think the problem is, this morning I weighed myself before work. I try not to do this anymore as it usually upsets me. I tend to base my self-worth on the number and it messes everything up. Tomorrow I'll put my best foot forward and step away from the scale. NEVER use a scale! If your clothes keep fitting, you weigh the same.
Somehow we connect our various sizes to our self-worth. We have mental images of ideal sizes - even if it's not in our heritage to be that way. We compliment weight loss, monitor our appetites and shrink ourselves to fit some kind of standard. I wish we could all the the size we actually are. One size does not fit all - because there are as many sizes as there are women. Let's look closer at the size of our hearts, the width of our souls and the lengths of our spirits.