I've spoken alot about the things and people that have helped me make it this far, but of course there are still days that I struggle. I feel that I'm 75%-80% recovered, however that 20% or so will probably always be a part of me. It is how I deal with and react to the situations that come my way via Ed that matter.
There was a party at work recently for a woman that was retiring. And there was food galore! I had my sacred english muffin with peanut butter and my Mountain Dew awaiting me so I knew I wouldn't be going through the food line. I did however need to get something from the lunch room and OH MY GOSH THE SMELL! YUCKY, TOO MUCH. As I walked through the masses of people I pretended I had an itchy nose to kinda cover the fact that I was trying to plug my nose so I didn't have to smell it. Well, I was caught by a guy co-worker and of course he made a comment "what's wrong with you it's just food". I got so angry at that moment, steam must have been coming from my ears. Mostly because of his inconsiderate and thoughtless comment. But, also that it didn't occur to him to think of my eating disorder and that it might have been hard for me, not being a foody (food lover) like he is. I came fuming back to my office and Jen was there for support, we talked some and I began to feel better. It was later that night at home when I was telling Greg, my roommate, the story and he reminded me that this guy was not working at our facility at the lowest point of my eating disorder and that he spoke without knowing my issues. Point taken!
So, this hurt in a couple of different ways. One that he was thoughtless, I think I covered that one already. The other because I must not look like I have an eating disorder anymore or it would have occurred to him. I'm glad I am now on the right track, believe me. But, sometimes I feel like I am in limbo - wanting and not wanting to be apart of both worlds.
Episode 28: Chicago
1 month ago