Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The next chapter in "Live Boldly" was on vision. Vision is defined as such "to expect a greater standard, a better result; to step up, peer over the shoulders of what is ordinary and get a good sighting on what is possible. to act with vision is to dare to believe a greater thing will unfold before you as you clear your sight." Often with an eating disorder your vision is NOT CLEAR, it's cloudy. You see things in your head differently than they really are. For instance you look in the mirror and see fat and ugly and immediate hatred for yourself ensues! Deep down you believe this to be true because it's what Ed (your eating disorder) tells you, but if others were to give you there opinion this couldn't be further from the truth. Now, when I look in the mirror and hear Ed's voice, I look again and assess myself with my eyes not his. I combat the voices and think to myself; you look good for 36, you have great hair, your clothes fit (so you know you didn't gain 20 lbs. over night) and basically tell him to F-off. Here are a could pictures to show you how my vision has improved. The first one is of me in 2003 (much skinner - to the right) and the other from a couple weeks ago (much healthier - to the left). In the past when I'd compare pictures like this I would get upset and think how could I let myself get this big. Now, my vision (with the help of my supporters) is much clearer. I know that I'm not big, I may not always be happy, but it's a matter of opinion and mine is not always correct.